remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
