Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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