Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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