I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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