I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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