Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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