just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
