At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
