I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
