Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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