HIV tests are more positive than that guy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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