Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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