Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
