Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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