how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
