I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
