You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
