ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
