Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
