not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
