Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
