I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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