I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
