I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
