She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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