I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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