So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
