I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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