you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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