He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
