Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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