Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
