North Korea, Best Korea!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
