So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Terrible idea I love it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
