Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
