their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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