I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
