my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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