i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
