yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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