How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
