he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
