I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
