I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
