What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
