There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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