You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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