he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
