...so i touched it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
