I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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