Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
