youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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