i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
