I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
