remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
