glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
