maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
