I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize