she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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