I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
