Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
