Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
