The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
