Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
