I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
